Ending a relationship after several years is an experience that can be really painful, so much so that we can feel that we’ll never get over it.
In fact, a large percentage of people have to resort to therapy to overcome the situation. However, it’s one more life circumstance that most people manage to overcome.
It’s time to start doing things without having a partner by your side, it’s time to dedicate yourself to have a better life. And I can assure you that you aren’t alone on this, nor it is as bad as you might think.
Today, we’re going to talk in detail about this topic, and I’ll teach you what you can do to help you overcome a breakup; just remember that the passage of time is what ends up healing all wounds.
Learn to Cope with Grief
When a couple breakup occurs, what is known as the grieving period begins.
It’s called that way because although no one has died, projects, illusions and hopes have died, and these are elements associated with that person who has left.
This is a defense mechanism to try to lessen the pain caused by the loss, at least while the situation is overcome. It’s a process made up of several stages, none of which has a specific time, since that will depend on each person.
Let’s first see what these stages are, so you can identify what your current situation is.
1.- Initial impact phase
The person receives the news, most of the time unexpectedly. The first feeling that usually occurs is that of disbelief.
2.- Denial phase
The person doesn’t accept the situation and begins to create false hopes with the intention of softening the pain he/she feels. There is usually a certain level of expectation that the situation will return to normal.
3.- Severe pain phase
Symptoms very similar to those of depression appear: sadness, apathy, trouble sleeping, a feeling of emptiness, lack of appetite, obsessive thoughts, etc. In a last stage, feelings of anger and resentment may appear
4.- Acceptance stage
This stage doesn’t imply that the person goes directly to happiness for being without a partner, but that the pain begins to gradually disappear, and the person begins to return to his/her normal life.
Learn to See Things With the Right Perspective
When a relationship ends, you have to assume with courage and a positive attitude that you’re starting a new life.
Although it’s not an easy thing since there is a very complex mix of emotions such as sadness, anger, fear and depression, remember that with time, these difficult moments go away.
So, it’s best to start preparing your mind so that you can clearly see that you’re starting new stages and experiences, so that you can take advantage of the new opportunities that are going to appear for you.
Accept the situation
It’s normal that you want the situation to be different but think for a moment that what really makes you suffer is not what happened, but your perception of what happened.
Psychology has shown that in most cases, the person imagines things much worse than they really are.
Life is testing you; you can regret how bad you feel, or you can accept the reality and learn to live to return having a better life.
Avoid being an extremist
It may be that you feel very bad and think that the world is ending but remember that there are situations in life much worse than a breakup.
What if instead of a couple breakup, it was a serious and incurable disease?
Do you have any idea how many couples break up around the world every minute? It doesn’t happen just to you, and most people get over it. You can do it too…
Even if there is a third person involved in the problem, don’t look to blame. Remember that we live in a globalized world in which we interact with thousands of people every day.
It happens that in romantic couples we usually see those things we want in our life, but instead of focusing on another person, you can focus on what you can achieve. In this way, it won’t matter if you meet a thousand more people.
If something fails, think that life is a trial and error, no one was born with a manual on how to live 100% perfect.
Love doesn’t have a definite time
There are couples who live together for the rest of their lives, and there are couples who stop loving each other within a few months of starting the relationship.
There are no absolute terms and it’s not a tragedy either.
Today or tomorrow, you could meet someone who lives more in line with those values that are important to you, you just have to be alert.
Learn to be with yourself
Learn to do activities alone; this will help you discover new sensations and get to know yourself more.
Happiness is related to those little moments in which we spend doing activities that make us feel good.
Do activities that you enjoy, even if it’s just going for a walk. This is a key element in reducing separation stress or anxiety and will help you improve your mood and self-esteem.
Staying away from everyone is one way to get closer to sadness and depression. Expressing your feelings is the best way to free yourself from the emotional load: it’s what we know as catharsis.
It’s in those moments when it’s best to surround yourself with your loved ones, those who you know can provide support to overcome the situation.
Take your time to find a new partner
It’s important that you first regain your emotional balance so that you can make the right decisions before entering a new relationship.
It’s easy to think that you can fill the void you feel quickly with another person, but the moment you realize that this isn’t the case, you could feel frustrated and consequently increase your discomfort.
It’s important that you feel good about yourself first before starting a new romantic relationship.
Take Action – 8 Things You Can Do to Start Having a Better Life Now
1.- Find your passion
Whether it’s solving puzzles, tending a garden or taking care of your pets, being single you have the time to do something you love.
This will give you the opportunity to meet new people, but it’ll also allow you to have a much broader and clearer perspective to better understand what you want in your next relationship.
Remember that singles don’t have as many restrictions, beyond what their finances allow, so it’s a perfect time to dedicate yourself to what you like the most.
2.- Establish routines
Human beings are beings of habits, so being without a partner is a good time to establish routines that help you achieve the goals you set for yourself.
Establishing routines for the day to day that serve as small personal challenges, such as physical or creative activities, has been proven to cause a greater sense of self-fulfillment and therefore, greater satisfaction with oneself.
Additionally, routines also provide you with emotional stability and help you feel less clueless about what to do each day to move forward.
3.- Focus on your career and work hard
Focusing on the professional aspect is one of the most effective tips for singles. It’s an area in which you can pour a lot of energy, which helps to keep your mind busy and free of sad thoughts for a long time.
This extra effort on your part also means that you can become a better professional, which can sometimes lead to a promotion or increased reputation and clients, in case you are a freelancer.
It’ll also help you a lot in the following aspect.
4.- Save money
Having a partner involves expenses whether you like it or not, and many times without realizing it, you can even get into debt.
Of course, we all like those dinners, those escapes to discos, romantic trips to the beach, etc., but sometimes we end up with very little money for ourselves.
Being #single you can set the pace of what you spend, which allows you to enjoy more of the things you like, but also helps you achieve your goals and be better prepared for any eventuality that may arise.
5.- Learn new things
In our day to day, we do many different things that keep us busy, and having a partner is less likely to spend time learning something new that catches our attention.
Of course, it’s always possible to learn new things from the other person, but by having more time for yourself, you can focus more on acquiring those specific skills that can help you in those aspects of your life that require it the most, be it your profession, your health or your family.
6.- Take advantage of traveling
Traveling is an incredible experience, so in addition to knowing and learning new things, it also allows you to grow and have that feeling of absolute freedom.
Depending on your budget, you can choose to visit places within your own country or travel abroad to learn more about a culture you’re passionate about.
Traveling can also help you maintain more internal reflections and by separating yourself from your comfort zone, you can see things much clearer and from the perspective of another culture or way of thinking.
7.- Invest more time with your friends
Many times, having a partner might affect the time we spend with our friends, whether it be to laugh and escape for a while. That’s why spending more time with your friends can help you a lot not only to express your feelings, but also to forget them for a while.
8.- Get in shape and shine
Well, probably you’ve already read or heard about the great benefits that physical activity has on health, so this is a factor that can help you a lot, not only for your physical health, but also for your mental health.
Exercising regularly will help you feel better physically and mentally, but it’s not just about going to the gym like a compulsive person, it’s about doing a variety of activities that involve exercising your body:
- Walking or running
- Playing sports with your friends
- Taking Latin dance classes – or whatever you prefer.
If you really want to start a new life but feel that you aren’t moving forward, analyze yourself to understand what you’re doing wrong; maybe you still hold on to the past and that’s slowing you down.
Bear in mind that your happiness is the most important thing, since the other person probably also thinks that of himself/herself.
Remember that if others can do it, you can too. This is the perfect time to become the person you want to be, take action and be happy!